I've been over 200 pounds for most of my adult life and I really thought I was never going to lose weight - though I was desperate to do so. Being fat has occupied more of my waking thoughts than just about anything else in my life for the last 10 or so years. I used to walk into a room and immediately "size up" everyone there to see if I was the biggest. I used to wonder what it was like to not always be thinking about being a big girl and how badly I wanted to be thinner - not even thin, just not fat.
I wasn't always fat. In fact, I was downright skinny back in the day. The fact that I gained weight after those formative high school years led to an interesting dichotomy in my body dysmorphia, one where I would feel so fat and ashamed of myself sometimes and other times like I wasn't overweight at all. The latter definitely contributed to me not losing weight before now. I mean, why not have that 3rd slice of cake? I'm not that fat, right?
While losing weight has been a very positive journey for me, my brain still hasn't caught up. For instance, I have no idea what size I am anymore. I don't mean this just in terms of clothing, just in general. There are days when I feel just as fat as my biggest day and sometimes just walking by a full-length mirror can be a jarring experience. I no longer walk into a room and determine who the biggest person is. I don't feel panicked wondering if the the armrests of a chair are going to dig into my sides. There are just all of these things that, after a DECADE of anxious thoughts, just don't exist anymore.
The unfortunate part about the my brain is that all of these anxious thoughts have just been replaced by new anxious thoughts. When people ask how much weight I've lost and I tell them 50 pounds, they are always astonished and for a moment, I'm damn proud of myself. Unfortunately, on the heels of that pride sits disbelief; it feels like I'm telling a lie because even I don't believe it. It's as if, behind it all, I still feel like I will fail or one day I will just wake up and those 50 pounds will be right back on my ass.
As of today, I still have another 50 pounds I would like to lose and it's just as daunting as the first 50. Some days it feels like I'm just hitting the reset button. I still feel fat, just a new version. I still get as upset about the areas of my body I hate and how they look when I've tried on something too small in the dressing room and how I feel like I will never get to where I want to be with myself. I honestly had no idea that teaching my brain to lose weight would be as hard as teaching my body, but I'm learning.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Here I am and what I've learned
I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for my return, so here I am! Where have I been? You know, just living the dream. Life in the last few months has been interesting, mostly in the 'WTF' kind of way and every time I opened this page to blog, my brain would just shut down like I had opened too many programs on the computer. Fear not, my sarcasm and derby obsession have returned to regale you with my tales of awesome and not-so-awesomeness...
As of today, I am 43lbs down and working hard to knock out another 7 lbs to hit my original goal as well as an important personal goal for myself. Through all 43 of these pounds, its been an adventure of self-discovery.
Being successful at losing weight forces you to get in tune with your body - which, by the way seems like a total contradiction of every weight loss program out there. Calories in versus calories out is the basis of losing weight, duh, but for me its much more about what I need that day and keeping a balance of eating healthy and knowing when your body (and mind!) needs a cheat.
There are days when I eat a cupcake for breakfast, Twizzlers for lunch, and Mexican for dinner and other days where I drink a giant coffee for breakfast and have nothing until I eat grilled fish and vegetables for dinner. Granted, I don't eat nearly as much as I used to, but I still eat plenty of junk. Could I lose weight much faster if I jumped on a treadmill 7 days a week and ate nothing but brown rice and grilled chicken? Of course, but I'd also be the angriest person ever and that would last for a few months at most.
I do have to say that I don't think I could have started losing weight with this method because what I thought I was eating versus how much I was really eating needed to be addressed and counting calories helped me get to that point. Once my body adjusted to eating less and I started losing weight and weighing daily, I began recognizing patterns and using them to my advantage. More about this later :)
For now, I'm feeling good about my progress and getting a little more used to my body every day. Some days I feel like I don't recognize myself. My body feels "pointier" and I'm losing weight in the weirdest places (collarbones?), but not enough in other places (stomach fat, ugh). This is definitely the best thing I have done for myself in a long time.
As of today, I am 43lbs down and working hard to knock out another 7 lbs to hit my original goal as well as an important personal goal for myself. Through all 43 of these pounds, its been an adventure of self-discovery.
Being successful at losing weight forces you to get in tune with your body - which, by the way seems like a total contradiction of every weight loss program out there. Calories in versus calories out is the basis of losing weight, duh, but for me its much more about what I need that day and keeping a balance of eating healthy and knowing when your body (and mind!) needs a cheat.
There are days when I eat a cupcake for breakfast, Twizzlers for lunch, and Mexican for dinner and other days where I drink a giant coffee for breakfast and have nothing until I eat grilled fish and vegetables for dinner. Granted, I don't eat nearly as much as I used to, but I still eat plenty of junk. Could I lose weight much faster if I jumped on a treadmill 7 days a week and ate nothing but brown rice and grilled chicken? Of course, but I'd also be the angriest person ever and that would last for a few months at most.
I do have to say that I don't think I could have started losing weight with this method because what I thought I was eating versus how much I was really eating needed to be addressed and counting calories helped me get to that point. Once my body adjusted to eating less and I started losing weight and weighing daily, I began recognizing patterns and using them to my advantage. More about this later :)
For now, I'm feeling good about my progress and getting a little more used to my body every day. Some days I feel like I don't recognize myself. My body feels "pointier" and I'm losing weight in the weirdest places (collarbones?), but not enough in other places (stomach fat, ugh). This is definitely the best thing I have done for myself in a long time.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Phase II - Lose More Weight
Ok, here I am sitting on 34 pounds lost and feeling pretty pleased with my progress so far, but also like I haven't done nearly enough. There are days when I feel like, 'dang, I'm really losing weight!' and then many other times I am like, 'WHY ARE YOU STILL SO FAT, FATTY?!'
When I shop, I still pick up clothes in my old sizes and then think, 'well this one must just be cut big' and am always surprised when the smaller size actually fits ('it must just be cut big?'). The few pairs of cotton panties that I own are all too baggy on me, but I just think, 'well, it must just be old and not holding it's shape'. My brain refuses to catch up to my body and there is a part of me is afraid that if I start actually acknowledging change, I will gain those 34 pounds back instantaneously and never lose again. Because that's logical, right?
With the start of the home team season getting ever closer and another weekend of outdoor team fun and poolside activities on the horizon, I have plenty of dates to use for goal setting.
Independence Day (duh) - To have lost 36 lbs
Rat City Bout (August 10th) - To have lost 46 lbs
Scare Force One Death Camp (August 25) - To have lost 55 lbs
Season Opener (mid October?) - To have lost 65 lbs
My Birthday (mid January) - To be at my goal weight - TBA!
I'm sure you've noticed that my goals have gotten a bit more conservative than in the beginning. Sometimes it's easy for me to lose and sometimes I just cannot get my mind and body in the same place. I've also gotten a little complacent about tracking, but am still paying attention to what I eat. In fact, my last 5 lbs lost was with little to no tracking at all.
One thing I have learned about my body and food is that if I pay attention to what makes my body feel good, I will lose weight. I still have super cravings and I still indulge them, but the difference is that my mind has figured out how not to go overboard. If I wake up and want ice cream for breakfast, I have it, but I don't get crazy with it and I know I will need to compensate with healthy options later (most of the time this actually happens). I don't beat myself up about poor food choices, I just commit to better ones at the next meal.
Even though when it comes to clothes and my body image, my brain doesn't want to acknowledge that I have lost weight, when I put my skates on, my body can tell the difference. It's incredible how such a seemingly small change in weight has made me feel like there are actually wheels on the bottom of my feet and not cinder blocks. I know my speed has improved, my agility has improved, and I feel like with every pound lost, I'm a better player and for once, I don't even think it's all in my mind.
Losing weight has been such a complex journey and it seems never-ending. It may well end up being the hardest, most mental challenge I have ever encountered other than derby and here I am trying to do both simultaneously while attempting to live life in general. With anything, if you let yourself get overwhelmed about how far you have to go, it seems insurmountable.
Remember that every avalanche once was once a bunch of snowflakes. Put your head down, push forward, and take the little victories as they come. Build your own avalanche.
When I shop, I still pick up clothes in my old sizes and then think, 'well this one must just be cut big' and am always surprised when the smaller size actually fits ('it must just be cut big?'). The few pairs of cotton panties that I own are all too baggy on me, but I just think, 'well, it must just be old and not holding it's shape'. My brain refuses to catch up to my body and there is a part of me is afraid that if I start actually acknowledging change, I will gain those 34 pounds back instantaneously and never lose again. Because that's logical, right?
With the start of the home team season getting ever closer and another weekend of outdoor team fun and poolside activities on the horizon, I have plenty of dates to use for goal setting.
Independence Day (duh) - To have lost 36 lbs
Rat City Bout (August 10th) - To have lost 46 lbs
Scare Force One Death Camp (August 25) - To have lost 55 lbs
Season Opener (mid October?) - To have lost 65 lbs
My Birthday (mid January) - To be at my goal weight - TBA!
I'm sure you've noticed that my goals have gotten a bit more conservative than in the beginning. Sometimes it's easy for me to lose and sometimes I just cannot get my mind and body in the same place. I've also gotten a little complacent about tracking, but am still paying attention to what I eat. In fact, my last 5 lbs lost was with little to no tracking at all.
One thing I have learned about my body and food is that if I pay attention to what makes my body feel good, I will lose weight. I still have super cravings and I still indulge them, but the difference is that my mind has figured out how not to go overboard. If I wake up and want ice cream for breakfast, I have it, but I don't get crazy with it and I know I will need to compensate with healthy options later (most of the time this actually happens). I don't beat myself up about poor food choices, I just commit to better ones at the next meal.
Even though when it comes to clothes and my body image, my brain doesn't want to acknowledge that I have lost weight, when I put my skates on, my body can tell the difference. It's incredible how such a seemingly small change in weight has made me feel like there are actually wheels on the bottom of my feet and not cinder blocks. I know my speed has improved, my agility has improved, and I feel like with every pound lost, I'm a better player and for once, I don't even think it's all in my mind.
Losing weight has been such a complex journey and it seems never-ending. It may well end up being the hardest, most mental challenge I have ever encountered other than derby and here I am trying to do both simultaneously while attempting to live life in general. With anything, if you let yourself get overwhelmed about how far you have to go, it seems insurmountable.
Remember that every avalanche once was once a bunch of snowflakes. Put your head down, push forward, and take the little victories as they come. Build your own avalanche.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
ECDX Recap
Holy shit ECDX was incredible. I don't tend to get excited about a lot and in fact, I'm pretty sure my face probably only let on that I was a smidge above bored, but on the inside - SENSORY OVERLOAD. From the minute we pulled up, it was like I was transported to some kind of Disney show based on a derby girl boarding school crossed with Girls Gone Moderately Wild. Oh hi chatting with Suzy Hotrod at check in... Oh hi jam coaching IM Pain... Oh hi being told by Miss Fortune to "stay relevant in the pack". At the pool sipping a beer at 3pm... watching high-level derby at 3:02. All in a days work, right?
If you ever start to feel your derby spark wane, a trip to ECDX is what the doctor ordered and if that doesn't do it, just quit now. Something about being around all of those incredible skaters makes you want to put on your skates and not take them off the whole weekend. It sends you back home with your fire stoked and your foot primed for kicking ass. For me, it reminded me how much I have come to love this game in such a little time. I hope that the excitement I brought back translates into energy that I can put into co-captaining my incredible team because it takes that love of the sport to keep going.
Along the weekend I picked up a few more derby idols because, can one have too many?
#1 Vicious Van GoGo (Texacutioners) - At first I wanted to hate on Texas because I really like Montreal, but Vicious Van GoGo has won my derby heart with her incredible footwork and ability to find holes in the pack. She has zero hesitation when she needs to move fast and infinite patience when she needs to let her blockers do some work. Also, she smiles the entire time, people.
#2 Soulfearic Acid (Wheels of Justice) - Like everyone I was ridiculously excited to watch Rose City take on Gotham. I was also really bummed when Scald Eagle went out with an injury her very first time taking the track because I think it would have been a very different game - not that Scald Eagle is that incredible (I mean, she is), but because that WoJ jammer rotation is ridiculous. Soulfearic held it down against Gotham. I'm pretty sure the girl never even got winded despite jamming 3/5 jams. How often to you see Gotham attempt to make huge hits and completely miss? Hardly.
#3 All of Wheels of Justice - See above. Watch bout. See score. "Peg-assist".
#4 Smack Daddy (Montreal Roller Derby) - Ok, I feel like a cheater for this one because she never even had skates on the whole weekend, but wow. I heart Smack Daddy. She could have her own "hey girl, meme".
#5 The Pool - Even for those who capital L-O-V-E derby, sometimes you need a little break. At ECDX? No problem. Exit rink two, walk out door, cross parking lot, jump in pool. It's like magic, people. Twenty minutes out by the pool and you are ready for 3 more hours of derby watching. It's that simple.
So I'll see you next year, right?
p.(mfing)s. I managed to lose another pound before ECDX so I failed just a little bit less.
If you ever start to feel your derby spark wane, a trip to ECDX is what the doctor ordered and if that doesn't do it, just quit now. Something about being around all of those incredible skaters makes you want to put on your skates and not take them off the whole weekend. It sends you back home with your fire stoked and your foot primed for kicking ass. For me, it reminded me how much I have come to love this game in such a little time. I hope that the excitement I brought back translates into energy that I can put into co-captaining my incredible team because it takes that love of the sport to keep going.
Along the weekend I picked up a few more derby idols because, can one have too many?
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| Vicious Van GoGo (R) All rights reserved by Dave Wood Photography |
#2 Soulfearic Acid (Wheels of Justice) - Like everyone I was ridiculously excited to watch Rose City take on Gotham. I was also really bummed when Scald Eagle went out with an injury her very first time taking the track because I think it would have been a very different game - not that Scald Eagle is that incredible (I mean, she is), but because that WoJ jammer rotation is ridiculous. Soulfearic held it down against Gotham. I'm pretty sure the girl never even got winded despite jamming 3/5 jams. How often to you see Gotham attempt to make huge hits and completely miss? Hardly.
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| Smack Daddy (L) & Lil Mama (R) All rights reserved by Frightmare DCRG |
#3 All of Wheels of Justice - See above. Watch bout. See score. "Peg-assist".
#4 Smack Daddy (Montreal Roller Derby) - Ok, I feel like a cheater for this one because she never even had skates on the whole weekend, but wow. I heart Smack Daddy. She could have her own "hey girl, meme".
#5 The Pool - Even for those who capital L-O-V-E derby, sometimes you need a little break. At ECDX? No problem. Exit rink two, walk out door, cross parking lot, jump in pool. It's like magic, people. Twenty minutes out by the pool and you are ready for 3 more hours of derby watching. It's that simple.
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| The pool at the Sportsplex at ECDX. Not unlike being in an episode of The L Word. |
p.(mfing)s. I managed to lose another pound before ECDX so I failed just a little bit less.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
So much stuff.
To the eight or so people who care, I have SO MUCH TO TELL YOU.
First, where the hell have I been?! Well, life kicked me in the teeth and shanked me while I was down. Things in the personal world have basically sucked and all of that suckiness lead to a mental meltdown that allowed me to start 27 blog postings, but not finish one. My brain convinced me that I suck at life so bad, that what the hell is the point? I'm not sad, y'all. Just telling you how it is.
Moving on... I failed. Yes, the dreaded failure. I did not make my goal of 50lbs lost by ECDX (insert wahhh wahhh wahhh noise), but did however make it to 33 and I am damn proud and still going. Thirty three pounds lost puts me .8 pounds lower than the lowest weight I have seen on the scale since I was about 18. Even more importantly than the fact that I finally broke through this godawful plateau, is the fact that I did it while facing some tough life challenges - a time when I would usually eat for comfort and I didn't! You could piss directly in my Cheerios today and I wouldn't even care.
Lastly - and maybe most importantly - I was asked to be co-captain of my team. ME! Me of only skating one year! Though let's be honest, I'm pretty certain this has less to do with my track skills and more to do with my passion for derby, my big mouth, and propensity to run shit. I just hope I do a good job for my team because I love them hoes!
Ok, enough updates for now. Tomorrow I head off to my very first ECDX with stars in my eyes and skates in my bag. I somehow managed to snag a spot on the Antiks v Riedell team AND become captain. If you'll be at ECDX and you see me wandering around or shouting trackside, please come say 'hi'. I only bite if you want me to.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Ready, set, SPRINT!
Because nothing I do ever gets done any sooner than seconds before the the last possible minute, I don't know why I ever thought weight loss would be any different. Let's evaluate, shall we?
Goals Set on Day 66
Goal #1 - To have lost 35lbs by Championships (5/12) FAIL!
Goal #2 - To have lost 45lbs by our Deja Bruise Ball (6/16) PROBABLY FAIL!
Goal #3 - To have lost 50lbs by ECDX (6/22) MIGHT FAIL!
Due to the abrupt return to real life I experienced post-championships, I ended up on an unscheduled vacation from skating and most exercise, although I've still been eating well for the most part. I've decided, however, that tomorrow will be my full-time return to getting back in shape.
If you remember my last post about goals, I should be around the 35-38ish pounds lost range, but yet here I am at only 29lbs lost which leaves 2.5 short weeks to lose 16 pounds and 3.5 weeks to lose 21. Things are looking bleak, people.
Don't worry though, I'm no quitter. On the agenda for this week is gym time, getting back on skates, helping teach at Derby 101 and back at normal practice on Saturday morning. Basically I'm just going to kick ass. A lot of it.
Stay tuned, I'm about to make my flabby arms and thunder thighs my bitches.
Goals Set on Day 66
Goal #1 - To have lost 35lbs by Championships (5/12) FAIL!
Goal #2 - To have lost 45lbs by our Deja Bruise Ball (6/16) PROBABLY FAIL!
Goal #3 - To have lost 50lbs by ECDX (6/22) MIGHT FAIL!
Due to the abrupt return to real life I experienced post-championships, I ended up on an unscheduled vacation from skating and most exercise, although I've still been eating well for the most part. I've decided, however, that tomorrow will be my full-time return to getting back in shape.
If you remember my last post about goals, I should be around the 35-38ish pounds lost range, but yet here I am at only 29lbs lost which leaves 2.5 short weeks to lose 16 pounds and 3.5 weeks to lose 21. Things are looking bleak, people.
Don't worry though, I'm no quitter. On the agenda for this week is gym time, getting back on skates, helping teach at Derby 101 and back at normal practice on Saturday morning. Basically I'm just going to kick ass. A lot of it.
Stay tuned, I'm about to make my flabby arms and thunder thighs my bitches.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Never enough
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| 28 pounds and 6 months Photo (left) courtesy of James Calder Photography |
In short, I want to be awesome. You know, like every other derby girl out there.
To date I've lost 28 pounds and have been bobbing at this same weight for a couple weeks now. I feel like I have come so far and yet also like I've hardly made any progress. I wonder if it's common to feel simultaneously proud of yourself and frustrated that you haven't gotten farther?
The fact that I feel like I can never be content has been both a blessing and a curse in my life. In relationships I've been accused of never being happy, but I swear that's not the case. It's more like a need, a necessity, to do better, have better, be better. The fear that someone is nipping at my heels, ready to eclipse my success or that someone doesn't trust my ability to do something feels like it may as well be fatal sometimes. The good part that comes from this sense of urgency is that I have become good at a lot of things and been a "go-to" person in many parts of my life.
In a way, it feels like now is the real start of my derby career. Most of the newbie-ness is gone and I can no longer use the excuse that I am a rookie. For me it's not I will I be better next season, but how much better will I be? I guess time will tell. Until then, full speed ahead!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Awesome Alla Time
Have I told you lately that I love my team? No seriously... I really, really love these women. Sure, sometimes I might want to choke one or two of them and they probably want to choke me too, but that's the way it works with family, right?
Saturday afternoon we showed up at the DC Armory after weeks of grueling practices, strategy sessions, and team cohesion get-togethers, ready to play. We never expected it to be easy; we knew we were going to have to work hard jam after jam and play our game - always proactive and never reactive.
It all paid off when at the end of the bout the scoreboard read Scare Force One 229 to Cherry Blossom Bombshells 102.
Now that Championships are over and life is calming a little, I'll be back to my regular posting schedule. For now though I will be basking in victory and cuddling our trophy.
Why we gotta be so awesome alla time? ~ Helena Handbag, Scare Force One, DC Rollergirls
Saturday afternoon we showed up at the DC Armory after weeks of grueling practices, strategy sessions, and team cohesion get-togethers, ready to play. We never expected it to be easy; we knew we were going to have to work hard jam after jam and play our game - always proactive and never reactive.
It all paid off when at the end of the bout the scoreboard read Scare Force One 229 to Cherry Blossom Bombshells 102.
Now that Championships are over and life is calming a little, I'll be back to my regular posting schedule. For now though I will be basking in victory and cuddling our trophy.
Why we gotta be so awesome alla time? ~ Helena Handbag, Scare Force One, DC Rollergirls
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| Scare Force One, Season 6 DCRG Champions |
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Word fuel
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”
~ Winston Churchill
Friday, May 4, 2012
Unexpected side effects of losing weight
You may remember when I wrote my Unexpected side effects of roller derby post. Well I've recently encountered a few side effects of losing weight and thought I'd share. Some of these may just be me and my body, but I'm sure some are relate-able.
- Fat comes off wherever the hell it pleases. I once heard that you lose weight first from the places you gained it last. This may be true; it was a long time ago when I packed on this fat so I have no idea what order it slapped itself on. What I do know is that my ass is disappearing at an alarming rate and I became fully aware of this when I slammed down directly on it and there was not nearly enough badonkadonk to cushion the fall.
- Food is less tasty. I vaguely remember reading some study about fat people wherein they determined that as you gain weight, your brain starts thinking food tastes better and better. (Thanks for looking out, brain!) This could be why thin people stay thin. Food is still good to me, but not like it was. Seriously people, I used to love food. LOVE IT. Lately though, things just don't taste as good and fruit seems to be the only thing I really enjoy.
- You might get whiplash from double takes. This one is awesome. For real. I can't tell you how many times I have walked past my reflection and whipped my head around to make sure I didn't mistake what I was seeing. "My stomach really does look like that and I'm not even sucking it in!"
- Your brain has a hard time catching up to your body. You know you've lost weight. The scale says so, your significant other says so, but chances are you still have "fat brain". Fat brain is what makes you think you still wear the same size when you shop or tells you that you that you still need to wear that
tentdress in the closet instead of buying something new and cute that actually fits. - You realize you had fat in places you didn't think were that fat. I've heard a lot of comments about losing weight in my face. I honestly never thought my face was fat, but looking back at pictures I do look bloated. Also, my wrists and hands are bonier and vein-ier. Yeah, thanks body. I was super concerned about my fat hands. I'd like to go ahead and hang onto these saddle bags though.
- My life used to be about eating and now it's about eating. This goes back more tasty vs. less tasty foods and being fat. I loved eating because things tasted so good, how could I not finish it? Now my relationship with food has more to do with fueling my body for activity and making sure I'm consuming optimal amounts for weight loss and roller derby.
- Exercise guilt. I used to have food guilt (ex: why did I eat that?!), but now I have exercise guilt. I could go to the gym or practice 12 days in a row and still feel guilty when I miss number 13. I know my body needs the rest sometimes, but I might gain all that weight back if I miss today!!!
As always, I'd love if to hear if you have other ones to add. I hope to do a part 2 to this when I finally get near my goal!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
"Failure pile in a sadness bowl"
One of my favorite comedians is Patton Oswalt and he does a bit where he talks about an entree from KFC and dubs it a "failure pile in a sadness bowl". I feel like that is a pretty good summary of my practices for most of this week, culminating in a giant heap of suck last night.
Now before anyone starts feeling like I need a pep talk, I promise you I don't. Having a crap practice (or several) just makes me want to try harder. I don't know if everyone feels like this, in fact I hope no one does, but I feel like I am constantly running from failure. The thought of not succeeding at something important to me gives me intense anxiety, sometimes to the point of waking up in a panic.
I don't know when this anxiety and self pressure started, but I've felt it for a long time. Growing up I was the youngest of 5 kids and the only child from my mom and dad's marriage. All of my brothers and sisters are much older than me so for the most part I grew up an only child.
I was a smart kid and I suppose that set high expectations as I grew up. No one in my family really knew how to support me in academics or athletics because none of them had done it themselves, but they wanted me to succeed at everything. My whole life has been figuring things out on my own and it's been tough at times, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Having never had anything come easy, I never expect anything to come easy. Unfortunately that also leads to the mentality that when it does, I am always waiting for someone to pull the rug out, hence the constant running from failure.
So what does all this have to do with derby? Well, sometimes a "failure pile in a sadness bowl" is good for us. Too often I think we tend to rest on their laurels and never really try to get any better. Sometimes we need these moments of failure to remind us that if we love what we're doing, we have to get up and do it better. In roller derby you are literally picking yourself up off the floor time and time again, mentally you just have to keep doing the same thing. Don't dwell on the fall, thrive on the recovery.
Now before anyone starts feeling like I need a pep talk, I promise you I don't. Having a crap practice (or several) just makes me want to try harder. I don't know if everyone feels like this, in fact I hope no one does, but I feel like I am constantly running from failure. The thought of not succeeding at something important to me gives me intense anxiety, sometimes to the point of waking up in a panic.
I don't know when this anxiety and self pressure started, but I've felt it for a long time. Growing up I was the youngest of 5 kids and the only child from my mom and dad's marriage. All of my brothers and sisters are much older than me so for the most part I grew up an only child.
I was a smart kid and I suppose that set high expectations as I grew up. No one in my family really knew how to support me in academics or athletics because none of them had done it themselves, but they wanted me to succeed at everything. My whole life has been figuring things out on my own and it's been tough at times, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Having never had anything come easy, I never expect anything to come easy. Unfortunately that also leads to the mentality that when it does, I am always waiting for someone to pull the rug out, hence the constant running from failure.
So what does all this have to do with derby? Well, sometimes a "failure pile in a sadness bowl" is good for us. Too often I think we tend to rest on their laurels and never really try to get any better. Sometimes we need these moments of failure to remind us that if we love what we're doing, we have to get up and do it better. In roller derby you are literally picking yourself up off the floor time and time again, mentally you just have to keep doing the same thing. Don't dwell on the fall, thrive on the recovery.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Derbyversary, Part I
I have probably thought of topics for a thousand blog posts in the last couple days, but have not had one second to sit down and actually write any of them. It's now 9pm on Sunday night and I am completely exhausted. Between baking a cake, practice, a bout, helping with our Derby 101 class, another practice and a team cookout, I feel like I have run the derby marathon. Four more days of derby start tomorrow, then a 2 day break followed by 7 days straight up to our league championships. Whew...
This month marks my one year "derbyversary" and before I put on skates and aspired to a roller girl, my life was totally different. Generally my evenings consisted of cooking dinner, eating dinner, watching tv, and going to bed. More often or not, a bottle (or two of wine) was involved. Weekends were typically full of drinks too.
It wasn't like we were going out and partying, but it added up just the same. A typical Saturday started with beers while we did yard work, then maybe go out for lunch and a drink there too. On the way home, grab a bottle of wine and drink that while we made dinner. I don't think any of us felt like we needed to drink, it was more like something that came from lack of having anything better to do.
Between the pregnancy, miscarriage, and the drinking, I put on about 10 (more) pounds and was basically a lazy slug. When I finally decided to do this derby thing, part of the reason was that I wanted to get in shape. Apparently the thought never occurred to me that I should be in better shape to play derby.
When I first started skating with my Meat class, I didn't have a ton of trouble keeping up in the endurance department (I mean we were all newbs), but I was definitely slow. As a former high school athlete (read: half-assed attempts at random sports without much enthusiasm), I gave myself a little too much credit for having done sporty things in my adolescence.
The first endurance practice that I ever attended with my league was probably one of the worst, yet important days of my derby career to date. It was an outdoors practice in late summer and we were going to skate 12 miles around a point. From the start I knew things were going to be bad. I was trying really hard and yet a giant gap was forming in front of me in the pace line. In no time, other skaters were going around me, including other meaties who I had seen quit in long drills or endless pace lines when I had kept going. At one point I remember someone passing me and patting me on the shoulder. I know she meant well, but the look on her face was clearly one of pity.
It turned out that the problem that day was the rock hard starter wheels that had come on my skates; they made pavement a miserable, torturous experience. After a very kind vet skater loaned me some hybrid wheels, I went back and skated that point with ease. I felt a little vindicated, but nothing could change how that day made me feel. Mostly because it made me realize how other people must see me and forced me to look at myself the same way.
That endurance practice was a wake-up call and I vowed to make changes. At first I just started by trying harder. I tried to never have to stop in a drill and I practiced as much as I could. A lot of times I would seek out other skaters with skills I envied and take mental notes, trying out what I saw until I was able to start doing it myself.
I guess I did something right because when it came time for drafts, I was lucky enough to get drafted by the undefeated league champions. Frankly, I didn't know what they saw in me, but I was just ecstatic to skate with them... and that was when I found out that I hadn't even gotten to the real work.
This month marks my one year "derbyversary" and before I put on skates and aspired to a roller girl, my life was totally different. Generally my evenings consisted of cooking dinner, eating dinner, watching tv, and going to bed. More often or not, a bottle (or two of wine) was involved. Weekends were typically full of drinks too.
It wasn't like we were going out and partying, but it added up just the same. A typical Saturday started with beers while we did yard work, then maybe go out for lunch and a drink there too. On the way home, grab a bottle of wine and drink that while we made dinner. I don't think any of us felt like we needed to drink, it was more like something that came from lack of having anything better to do.
Between the pregnancy, miscarriage, and the drinking, I put on about 10 (more) pounds and was basically a lazy slug. When I finally decided to do this derby thing, part of the reason was that I wanted to get in shape. Apparently the thought never occurred to me that I should be in better shape to play derby.
When I first started skating with my Meat class, I didn't have a ton of trouble keeping up in the endurance department (I mean we were all newbs), but I was definitely slow. As a former high school athlete (read: half-assed attempts at random sports without much enthusiasm), I gave myself a little too much credit for having done sporty things in my adolescence.
The first endurance practice that I ever attended with my league was probably one of the worst, yet important days of my derby career to date. It was an outdoors practice in late summer and we were going to skate 12 miles around a point. From the start I knew things were going to be bad. I was trying really hard and yet a giant gap was forming in front of me in the pace line. In no time, other skaters were going around me, including other meaties who I had seen quit in long drills or endless pace lines when I had kept going. At one point I remember someone passing me and patting me on the shoulder. I know she meant well, but the look on her face was clearly one of pity.
It turned out that the problem that day was the rock hard starter wheels that had come on my skates; they made pavement a miserable, torturous experience. After a very kind vet skater loaned me some hybrid wheels, I went back and skated that point with ease. I felt a little vindicated, but nothing could change how that day made me feel. Mostly because it made me realize how other people must see me and forced me to look at myself the same way.
That endurance practice was a wake-up call and I vowed to make changes. At first I just started by trying harder. I tried to never have to stop in a drill and I practiced as much as I could. A lot of times I would seek out other skaters with skills I envied and take mental notes, trying out what I saw until I was able to start doing it myself.
I guess I did something right because when it came time for drafts, I was lucky enough to get drafted by the undefeated league champions. Frankly, I didn't know what they saw in me, but I was just ecstatic to skate with them... and that was when I found out that I hadn't even gotten to the real work.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
The body you want
Eat and train for the body you want, not the body you have.
Duh, right? If you want to be thin, eat less. If you want to be big, eat more. Right? Kind of, but it's so much more complicated than that.
First, which version of thin and "in shape" do you want to be?
If you picked the one on the left, please promptly click the x on this tab and move along. If you picked the one on the right, I like you, you can stay.
Now, I'm not putting down runners or marathoners and I know they don't all look like this. I'm just trying to make a point here. The body on the left is a result of a lot of cardiovascular training and far too few calories to sustain a healthy (imo) musculature. She might be able to run for hours straight, but how much strength does she have? Do you think she could counter-block you on the track? Oh, hell no.
What are your goals for your new body? Do you want to be able to get lower (need quads and hammies for that)? Do you want to take a hit (need lots of core and lower body strength)? Do you want to be able to juke around the pack (need strong legs and power)? Or do you just want to look good in DerbySkinz? If so, go ahead and set your calorie goals to 1200 and hop on the treadmill.
While I was trolling the interwebz earlier, I came across an article titled "What I Wish I Knew As A Female Athlete" and while I don't necessarily agree with needing the 5-6 small meals (I say eat whatever, whenever for the most part), the rest of her advice is sound:
3. Eat better foods more often and don’t eat less. As a female athlete in our current society, there is pressure to be “thin” instead of “healthy.” Many females do this by restricting calories and working out more. This hinders athletic and overall performance and can actually slow any weight loss (if it is needed at all). Female athletes need to focus on developing and maintaining lean muscle and fueling their bodies for competition. This is done by eating 5–6 small meals and snacks per day and drinking plenty of water. (What I Wish I Knew As A Female Athlete)Yes, ladies you need muscle and fuel for that muscle. Let's not be a breed of skinny "fat" girls schlepping around the track getting knocked over by women with real strength. Losing weight shouldn't be starvation stacked on endless cardio. In fact, I've lost more weight since I stopped doing so much cardio.
Ok, enough of my ranting, but before I sign off on this post please read give yourself this self evaluation of your fitness plan:
- Are you eating a healthy number of calories based on a proven calculation for your body weight/height?
- Are you making sure that you are consuming at least 200 calories above your BMR, including exercise?
- Are you lifting weights?
If you said no to any of these, I would really do some homework and make sure you're doing the right things for your body. Beware who you take advice from (even me, though I am only giving it based on my personal experience and those couple classes I took in college) and do your own research before putting anything into action.
p.s. Remember that fat guy who set the record for the number of Olympic medals won ever? He eats 12,000 calories a day. There's some perspective for ya.
p.s. Remember that fat guy who set the record for the number of Olympic medals won ever? He eats 12,000 calories a day. There's some perspective for ya.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Challenge Check-In (Day 66)
Today is the 66th day since I started this challenge and as of this morning I am exactly half way to my first goal:
I have officially lost 25 pounds.
... squeeeee! Even though I hit a couple small plateaus, it's actually been easier than I thought it would. I hope that doesn't mean the second half is going to be a bitch.
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| 58 days to lose 25 pounds |
Anyway, let's break it down. Shall we?
If you remember, there were 124 days to hit my goal of 50 pounds lost. At 66 days, I am right on target.
Here are my mini-goals from here until then:
Goal #1 - To have lost 35lbs by Championships (5/12)
Goal #2 - To have lost 45lbs by our Deja Bruise Ball (6/16)
Goal #2 - To have lost 50lbs by ECDX (6/22)
I know it looks tight, but considering what I am accomplished so far, not impossible. After 66 days my motivation is still at 100% and I see small changes every single day. I feel good about the way that I am losing weight because I am never starving and I can allow myself to eat junky food if I want and still lose weight. I feel bad for all of those 1200 calorie suckers out there aerobicizing themselves to death... hey idiots, you're doin' it wrong.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Do all the things better
Last night I was determined to have a good practice with my team. I wanted to be fast (or slow if need be), aware, solid, and all those other adjectives that equate to awesome in derby. I typically define a good practice as having one or two moments that make me mentally high five myself while looking around to make sure someone else saw all that awesome! Ok, and it probably wasn't even that awesome, but it might just be that it's the first time I nailed a stop or a juke. I love these moments because it feels like progress, like things are clicking!
Occasionally and despite my high hopes, a practice can go from promising to demoralizing in one fell swoop. For me it usually starts with some kind of muscle cramp that my body just won't shut up about. All I can think of is how much it hurts. Then, in the first drill maybe I can't accomplish any of the objectives. At this point, I'm getting really frustrated and thinking about quitting for the night. I usually trudge on, but my brain is just a huge chorus of negative and by then, I'm screwed. This is basically what happened last night.
I would do anything to kill that little negative voice in my head that tells me not to bother counter blocking because I'm going to get hit out anyway or the one that says I will never get lead jammer because I am a chunky slow girl or that no one sees me as an asset on the track. I'm slowly learning to tell that voice to STFU, but its a sloooooow process and I still lose more days than I win.
Tonight is day 2 of many upcoming pre-championship practices, and another chance for me to have some 'aw, shit' moments, so here's to shutting off the I can'ts and listening to more I wills.
My mental theme for this practice comes from the almighty Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try."
Wish me luck!
Occasionally and despite my high hopes, a practice can go from promising to demoralizing in one fell swoop. For me it usually starts with some kind of muscle cramp that my body just won't shut up about. All I can think of is how much it hurts. Then, in the first drill maybe I can't accomplish any of the objectives. At this point, I'm getting really frustrated and thinking about quitting for the night. I usually trudge on, but my brain is just a huge chorus of negative and by then, I'm screwed. This is basically what happened last night.
I would do anything to kill that little negative voice in my head that tells me not to bother counter blocking because I'm going to get hit out anyway or the one that says I will never get lead jammer because I am a chunky slow girl or that no one sees me as an asset on the track. I'm slowly learning to tell that voice to STFU, but its a sloooooow process and I still lose more days than I win.
Tonight is day 2 of many upcoming pre-championship practices, and another chance for me to have some 'aw, shit' moments, so here's to shutting off the I can'ts and listening to more I wills.
My mental theme for this practice comes from the almighty Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try."
Wish me luck!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Update on eating more
I don't even know if I do it consciously, but Mondays always seem like a good time to check in with my body, weight loss, and nutrition goals. In my last post about re-evaluating my calorie goals I decided that I wasn't eating enough and so I upped my calories by about 400 over what I had been eating, but still only 200 above my BMR.
Here were my net (food - exercise) calories from the last week:
Monday: 1445 (355 remaining)
Tuesday: 1952 (152 over)
Wednesday: 1635 (165 remaining)
Thursday: 1890 (90 over)
Friday: 2722 (922 over ... yeah... that's what happens when you need Ledo pizza in your life or you will die)
Saturday: 1510 (290 remaining)
Sunday: 1799 (1 remaining)
My goal was to consume 12,600 calories over 7 days.
I ended up consuming 12,953 calories over 7 days.
According to the interwebz, if I am lightly active, my maintenance calories (to stay at this weight) are around 2500 per day. It takes a daily deficit of 500 calories to lose 1lb per week and 1000 to lose 2. By this math, I am on target to lose about 1.5lbs a week. Of course, my body does whatever it wants so we shall see.
As far as my weight this week, I have been "up" since the last time I had a loss but since TOM is right around the corner and I feel really bloaty (sorry one random guy who found this blog on accident thinking there might be fishnet booty shots). This morning I was down that "up" weight so my ticker is correct at 23 lbs lost despite the fact that I ate blue crabs slathered in salt yesterday.
My final analysis for this week is that I am going to keep going at the 1800 level for another week, then maybe drop it down to so my body doesn't get complacent? We'll see.
Here were my net (food - exercise) calories from the last week:
Monday: 1445 (355 remaining)
Tuesday: 1952 (152 over)
Wednesday: 1635 (165 remaining)
Thursday: 1890 (90 over)
Friday: 2722 (922 over ... yeah... that's what happens when you need Ledo pizza in your life or you will die)
Saturday: 1510 (290 remaining)
Sunday: 1799 (1 remaining)
My goal was to consume 12,600 calories over 7 days.
I ended up consuming 12,953 calories over 7 days.
According to the interwebz, if I am lightly active, my maintenance calories (to stay at this weight) are around 2500 per day. It takes a daily deficit of 500 calories to lose 1lb per week and 1000 to lose 2. By this math, I am on target to lose about 1.5lbs a week. Of course, my body does whatever it wants so we shall see.
As far as my weight this week, I have been "up" since the last time I had a loss but since TOM is right around the corner and I feel really bloaty (sorry one random guy who found this blog on accident thinking there might be fishnet booty shots). This morning I was down that "up" weight so my ticker is correct at 23 lbs lost despite the fact that I ate blue crabs slathered in salt yesterday.
My final analysis for this week is that I am going to keep going at the 1800 level for another week, then maybe drop it down to so my body doesn't get complacent? We'll see.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Crunch time
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| Photo Credit to James Calder Photography |
... but that could all change. In a little less than 3 weeks, my team will take the track with the goal of taking home our league's Skate of the Union championship trophy. While my team is incredible and supportive, they're also very competitive. Some would say to a fault, but those people are usually on other teams. This means that when May 12th rolls around, you can guarantee that 14 ready skaters will be on the roster and I want to be one of them.
I know that as a rookie I am just as much, if not more, on the cusp than some of the other incredible women on my team. After all, nearly half of my team is on the All Stars, another 2 have been on the travel team at some point, and several more could if they wanted to. There is no shortage of talent on my team.
I've learned at this point that my own mental limitations do more damage to my skating than any physical ones, but with the help of my team I'm starting to realize I'm faster, stronger, and know more than I give myself credit for. Now it's just a matter of remembering that every time I put my skates on.
I'll be busting my ass these next three weeks, but maybe this focus is what I need. Whether I am rostered or not, I'll at the very least be more focused and have a good start on next season.
p.s. I'm not saying I'll be very happy about not being rostered. I'm allergic to losing in any capacity, but I guess I will take it in stride. Wish me luck.
Friday, April 20, 2012
My derby story
So far I haven't written anything terribly personal on this blog, mostly because I'm pretty certain you aren't here to read about what I had for lunch today, but I feel compelled to explain why I am doing this whole thing and why I have the passion for derby that I do.
Sometime in mid 2010 I found out about a local roller derby league and immediately wanted to get involved. I looked up information about clinics and gear, but the time wasn't right and I didn't really pursue it.
At the end of November I started feeling strange. I was exhausted, emotional, and I just felt not normal. One Saturday morning I was driving and listening to a story on NPR about a woman who rescues dogs from Afghanistan and started bawling. Well, that made a light bulb come on in my head and lo-and-behold I found out I was pregnant.
I remember that when I told my boyfriend, I cried as if I were telling him it was terminal cancer. This was not my plan. I had no intentions of even having children, but abortion wasn't an option. After a while I started getting used to the idea, after all what choice did I have? Our family found a bigger house, started buying little baby things, and told our friends and family.
Then at the end of the year I started feeling like something wasn't right. A bad day at the emergency room confirmed that I had lost the baby. It was such a strange feeling because I hadn't even wanted this child and now I was devastated. I'm not typically a very emotional person, in fact my girlfriend says I have "man emotions," but this was one of the toughest things I had ever dealt with.
Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant, my best friend at work also found out she was pregnant. In addition to that, another woman in our office (of 6 women) was pregnant. Then a few months later, another one. For months after I lost the baby it was all around me for 8 hours a day - pregnant women, talk about baby showers, names, everything. The first time my co-worker brought her baby in, I had to leave so I didn't cry at work. I relied a lot on online communities and other women who had gone through the same thing, but I started to become obsessive and knew I needed to find some other focus.
In March derby drifted back into my peripheral and I knew I needed to do it. I went back to the links I had looked at so many months ago and found the next open clinic with a local league. I ordered gear (which arrived 2 whole days before the clinic) and started this crazy derby journey.
I have barely been playing roller derby for a year, but it has already changed my life in so many ways. I think that somewhere along the line I had forgotten how to be selfish when it came to taking care of my own needs and derby has given that back to me. It's given me back a drive that I hadn't had in a long time and has been a catalyst for a lot of positive changes in my life.
I know I have a limited amount of time before roller derby doesn't make sense in my life anymore, but while it's here I'm going to make the most of it.
Sometime in mid 2010 I found out about a local roller derby league and immediately wanted to get involved. I looked up information about clinics and gear, but the time wasn't right and I didn't really pursue it.
At the end of November I started feeling strange. I was exhausted, emotional, and I just felt not normal. One Saturday morning I was driving and listening to a story on NPR about a woman who rescues dogs from Afghanistan and started bawling. Well, that made a light bulb come on in my head and lo-and-behold I found out I was pregnant.
I remember that when I told my boyfriend, I cried as if I were telling him it was terminal cancer. This was not my plan. I had no intentions of even having children, but abortion wasn't an option. After a while I started getting used to the idea, after all what choice did I have? Our family found a bigger house, started buying little baby things, and told our friends and family.
Then at the end of the year I started feeling like something wasn't right. A bad day at the emergency room confirmed that I had lost the baby. It was such a strange feeling because I hadn't even wanted this child and now I was devastated. I'm not typically a very emotional person, in fact my girlfriend says I have "man emotions," but this was one of the toughest things I had ever dealt with.
Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant, my best friend at work also found out she was pregnant. In addition to that, another woman in our office (of 6 women) was pregnant. Then a few months later, another one. For months after I lost the baby it was all around me for 8 hours a day - pregnant women, talk about baby showers, names, everything. The first time my co-worker brought her baby in, I had to leave so I didn't cry at work. I relied a lot on online communities and other women who had gone through the same thing, but I started to become obsessive and knew I needed to find some other focus.
In March derby drifted back into my peripheral and I knew I needed to do it. I went back to the links I had looked at so many months ago and found the next open clinic with a local league. I ordered gear (which arrived 2 whole days before the clinic) and started this crazy derby journey.
I have barely been playing roller derby for a year, but it has already changed my life in so many ways. I think that somewhere along the line I had forgotten how to be selfish when it came to taking care of my own needs and derby has given that back to me. It's given me back a drive that I hadn't had in a long time and has been a catalyst for a lot of positive changes in my life.
I know I have a limited amount of time before roller derby doesn't make sense in my life anymore, but while it's here I'm going to make the most of it.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
21 roller derby truths
Because I like lists and I'm on a new supplement that feels a bit like Adderall, I don't know if I could actually write paragraphs that make sense. Instead, I'm going to list some "derby truths," aka things that I'm fairly certain most derby girls can relate to:
- Roller derby is the best thing you will ever do for yourself
- Some days of practice will really suck, no matter how great you get.
- Some days of practice will be really awesome, no matter how bad you think you suck.
- You do actually have to come and participate in practice to get better.
- You do actually have to put in time outside of practice to get better.
- You will always learn more when you shut your mouth.
- No one wants to be your partner if you quit before the drill even begins. (#1 pet peeve of mine)
- Yes, everyone is giving you the stink eye when you quit the drill to stretch.
- Yes, you will fail/suck at something a thousand times before you finally get it/perfect it.
- It really does take a year to have a good base understanding the game of roller derby.
- Train your hamstrings and not just your quads if you want that low back pain to go away and your derby stance to be lower.
- Your team/league has faith in you, that's why you're there. You owe it to them to work hard and prove that they were right to choose you.
- No one outside of roller derby will understand why you are so obsessed with roller derby.
- If you eat a cracker and a salad before practice, you will regret it. (Would you not put gas in your car before a road trip?)
- If you eat a McDonald's value meal before practice, you will regret it. (Would you let half of the air out of your tires before a drive?)
- Fifty people will show you how to do a skill before one of their explanations finally clicks.
- Fresh meat: Listen to a vet's advice. They have dealt with every situation you have, and then some.
- No one starts their derby career as Suzy Hotrod.
- Eventually you will dream of hip checking people everywhere.
- No matter how much you hate it, jamming will help you be a better derby player.
- Derby is motherfucking awesome. (sorry family, but there were no synonyms in the thesaurus)
... annnnd, I'm spent. Feel free to add on below :)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Eat more, weigh less
Beware: This is one of those posts with a whole lotta calorie math and pseudo diet experimentation below. You've been warned.
I kind of feel like an idiot. I never hesitate on MyFitnessPal to tell someone they are not eating enough and that is why they're not losing weight. Yet, I'm still struggling with the whole eat more thing myself and have caused myself to plateau twice because of it.
When I first started this whole thing, MFP told me that I needed to eat 1570 calories per day to lose 2lbs per week and everything was going great. In fact, I was averaging 3lbs per week. As they say though, everything works for 6 weeks. I believe this is the main reason people quit their diets - they stop working. This is because your body gets acclimated to what you're doing. The bigger problem comes because most people (like me) think 'well obviously I need to eat less/exercise more to keep losing weight'. Fast forward and now you're one of those crazies eating 1200 calories per day, starving, angry, and not losing anything.
As I wrote in this post, I started eating back my exercise calories and had an immediate drop. I felt great and kept going. Well, I plateaued again almost immediately, even going up a pound or two despite never going over my calories. Keeping in mind the Diet Math post from a few days ago, I'm obviously not gaining real weight so what's up?
Once again I'm pretty certain the culprit is not eating enough and I was basically convinced after reading this post on the MFP boards that broke down how to calculate your body fat, basal metabolic rate or BMR (this how many calories your body burns in 24 hours just existing), and then your daily net calorie goal. If you're interested:
I kind of feel like an idiot. I never hesitate on MyFitnessPal to tell someone they are not eating enough and that is why they're not losing weight. Yet, I'm still struggling with the whole eat more thing myself and have caused myself to plateau twice because of it.
When I first started this whole thing, MFP told me that I needed to eat 1570 calories per day to lose 2lbs per week and everything was going great. In fact, I was averaging 3lbs per week. As they say though, everything works for 6 weeks. I believe this is the main reason people quit their diets - they stop working. This is because your body gets acclimated to what you're doing. The bigger problem comes because most people (like me) think 'well obviously I need to eat less/exercise more to keep losing weight'. Fast forward and now you're one of those crazies eating 1200 calories per day, starving, angry, and not losing anything.
As I wrote in this post, I started eating back my exercise calories and had an immediate drop. I felt great and kept going. Well, I plateaued again almost immediately, even going up a pound or two despite never going over my calories. Keeping in mind the Diet Math post from a few days ago, I'm obviously not gaining real weight so what's up?
Once again I'm pretty certain the culprit is not eating enough and I was basically convinced after reading this post on the MFP boards that broke down how to calculate your body fat, basal metabolic rate or BMR (this how many calories your body burns in 24 hours just existing), and then your daily net calorie goal. If you're interested:
- Visit http://www.fat2fitradio.com/tools/
- Do the Military Body Fat Calc first (the Military BF calculator is accurate up to about 2%)
- Use the body fat percentage to input into the BMR tool
- Use the Katch McGardle BMR number to know your BMR
- Add 200 calories to the BMR number and that is your net daily calorie goal
- Never eat at or below BMR.
When I plug my information in, I get 1597 calories as my BMR, add 200 and I'm around 1800, a good 400 more than I had been eating (which by the way was because MFP recalculated my calories to be 1300 at my weight for 2lbs of weight loss per day and I thought that sounded crazy).
Because I hadn't lost anything after the 2lb drop early last week, I decided it was time to up my calories again to 1500 - yes, even though I had already calculated the numbers above. This was Sunday and shortly after making this decision we went on a 5 mile hike which according to several sources, burned approximately 1000 calories. That day I ate 2379 calories, a net of 1454 for the day and I was down .7lbs the next morning.
Monday I had practice so I ate 1985 calories with a net of 1445 and lost almost 2lbs, .4lbs being "new" weight lost.
Yesterday was a rest day and for some reason I was starving all day so I ended up going 153 calories over the projected 1800 to end up with 1952 for the day, and this morning I was exactly the same weight. My plan is to stick it out for this whole week at 1800 just to see how it goes and adjust next week if necessary.
People who think losing weight is as easy as eating less have probably never needed to lose more than a few vanity pounds. It really takes dedication to work hard, eat less, and keep going even when the scale betrays you. As with anything worthwhile, it's a marathon, not a sprint and I don't plan on giving up.
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