Derbyversary, Part I

I have probably thought of topics for a thousand blog posts in the last couple days, but have not had one second to sit down and actually write any of them. It's now 9pm on Sunday night and I am completely exhausted. Between baking a cake, practice, a bout, helping with our Derby 101 class, another practice and a team cookout, I feel like I have run the derby marathon. Four more days of derby start tomorrow, then a 2 day break followed by 7 days straight up to our league championships. Whew...

This month marks my one year "derbyversary" and before I put on skates and aspired to a roller girl, my life was totally different. Generally my evenings consisted of cooking dinner, eating dinner, watching tv, and going to bed. More often or not, a bottle (or two of wine) was involved. Weekends were typically full of drinks too.

It wasn't like we were going out and partying, but it added up just the same. A typical Saturday started with beers while we did yard work, then maybe go out for lunch and a drink there too. On the way home, grab a bottle of wine and drink that while we made dinner. I don't think any of us felt like we needed to drink, it was more like something that came from lack of having anything better to do.

Between the pregnancy, miscarriage, and the drinking, I put on about 10 (more) pounds and was basically a lazy slug. When I finally decided to do this derby thing, part of the reason was that I wanted to get in shape. Apparently the thought never occurred to me that I should be in better shape to play derby.

When I first started skating with my Meat class, I didn't have a ton of trouble keeping up in the endurance department (I mean we were all newbs), but I was definitely slow. As a former high school athlete (read: half-assed attempts at random sports without much enthusiasm), I gave myself a little too much credit for having done sporty things in my adolescence.

The first endurance practice that I ever attended with my league was probably one of the worst, yet important days of my derby career to date. It was an outdoors practice in late summer and we were going to skate 12 miles around a point. From the start I knew things were going to be bad. I was trying really hard and yet a giant gap was forming in front of me in the pace line. In no time, other skaters were going around me, including other meaties who I had seen quit in long drills or endless pace lines when I had kept going. At one point I remember someone passing me and patting me on the shoulder. I know she meant well, but the look on her face was clearly one of pity.

It turned out that the problem that day was the rock hard starter wheels that had come on my skates; they made pavement a miserable, torturous experience. After a very kind vet skater loaned me some hybrid wheels, I went back and skated that point with ease. I felt a little vindicated, but nothing could change how that day made me feel. Mostly because it made me realize how other people must see me and forced me to look at myself the same way.

That endurance practice was a wake-up call and I vowed to make changes. At first I just started by trying harder. I tried to never have to stop in a drill and I practiced as much as I could. A lot of times I would seek out other skaters with skills I envied and take mental notes, trying out what I saw until I was able to start doing it myself.

I guess I did something right because when it came time for drafts, I was lucky enough to get drafted by the undefeated league champions. Frankly, I didn't know what they saw in me, but I was just ecstatic to skate with them... and that was when I found out that I hadn't even gotten to the real work.

Do all the things better

Last night I was determined to have a good practice with my team. I wanted to be fast (or slow if need be), aware, solid, and all those other adjectives that equate to awesome in derby. I typically define a good practice as having one or two moments that make me mentally high five myself while looking around to make sure someone else saw all that awesome! Ok, and it probably wasn't even that awesome, but it might just be that it's the first time I nailed a stop or a juke. I love these moments because it feels like progress, like things are clicking!

Occasionally and despite my high hopes, a practice can go from promising to demoralizing in one fell swoop. For me it usually starts with some kind of muscle cramp that my body just won't shut up about. All I can think of is how much it hurts. Then, in the first drill maybe I can't accomplish any of the objectives. At this point, I'm getting really frustrated and thinking about quitting for the night. I usually trudge on, but my brain is just a huge chorus of negative and by then, I'm screwed. This is basically what happened last night.

I would do anything to kill that little negative voice in my head that tells me not to bother counter blocking because I'm going to get hit out anyway or the one that says I will never get lead jammer because I am a chunky slow girl or that no one sees me as an asset on the track. I'm slowly learning to tell that voice to STFU, but its a sloooooow process and I still lose more days than I win.

Tonight is day 2 of many upcoming pre-championship practices, and another chance for me to have some 'aw, shit' moments, so here's to shutting off the I can'ts and listening to more I wills.

My mental theme for this practice comes from the almighty Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try."

Wish me luck!

Crunch time

Photo Credit to
James Calder Photography

I have been on this roller derby journey for almost exactly one year and in that very short time I have: put on skates for the first time in about a decade, worked my butt off just to learn the most basic skills, completed the meat camp of a WFTDA charted team, passed my assessment to become a real league member, was drafted by a home team, and for my first home team season, I was lucky enough to be able to play in every single home team bout.

... but that could all change. In a little less than 3 weeks, my team will take the track with the goal of taking home our league's Skate of the Union championship trophy. While my team is incredible and supportive, they're also very competitive. Some would say to a fault, but those people are usually on other teams. This means that when May 12th rolls around, you can guarantee that 14 ready skaters will be on the roster and I want to be one of them.

I know that as a rookie I am just as much, if not more, on the cusp than some of the other incredible women on my team. After all, nearly half of my team is on the All Stars, another 2 have been on the travel team at some point, and several more could if they wanted to. There is no shortage of talent on my team.

I've learned at this point that my own mental limitations do more damage to my skating than any physical ones, but with the help of my team I'm starting to realize I'm faster, stronger, and know more than I give myself credit for. Now it's just a matter of remembering that every time I put my skates on.

I'll be busting my ass these next three weeks, but maybe this focus is what I need. Whether I am rostered or not, I'll at the very least be more focused and have a good start on next season.

p.s. I'm not saying I'll be very happy about not being rostered. I'm allergic to losing in any capacity, but I guess I will take it in stride. Wish me luck.