Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Ready, set, SPRINT!

Because nothing I do ever gets done any sooner than seconds before the the last possible minute, I don't know why I ever thought weight loss would be any different. Let's evaluate, shall we?


Goals Set on Day 66
Goal #1 - To have lost 35lbs by Championships (5/12) FAIL!
Goal #2 - To have lost 45lbs by our Deja Bruise Ball (6/16) PROBABLY FAIL!
Goal #3 - To have lost 50lbs by ECDX (6/22) MIGHT FAIL!


Due to the abrupt return to real life I experienced post-championships, I ended up on an unscheduled vacation from skating and most exercise, although I've still been eating well for the most part. I've decided, however, that tomorrow will be my full-time return to getting back in shape.

If you remember my last post about goals, I should be around the 35-38ish pounds lost range, but yet here I am at only 29lbs lost which leaves 2.5 short weeks to lose 16 pounds and 3.5 weeks to lose 21. Things are looking bleak, people.

Don't worry though, I'm no quitter. On the agenda for this week is gym time, getting back on skates, helping teach at Derby 101 and back at normal practice on Saturday morning. Basically I'm just going to kick ass. A lot of it.

Stay tuned, I'm about to make my flabby arms and thunder thighs my bitches.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Never enough

28 pounds and 6 months
Photo (left) courtesy of James Calder Photography
I'm still riding pretty high on this season's victory, but looming ever closer are thoughts about next season and what part I will play. Of course, I want to be faster, stronger, and a more dependable partner on the track. I want to be thinner and healthier. I want to juke better, plow on a dime, be aware of everything on the track...

In short, I want to be awesome. You know, like every other derby girl out there.

To date I've lost 28 pounds and have been bobbing at this same weight for a couple weeks now. I feel like I have come so far and yet also like I've hardly made any progress. I wonder if it's common to feel simultaneously proud of yourself and frustrated that you haven't gotten farther?

The fact that I feel like I can never be content has been both a blessing and a curse in my life. In relationships I've been accused of never being happy, but I swear that's not the case. It's more like a need, a necessity, to do better, have better, be better. The fear that someone is nipping at my heels, ready to eclipse my success or that someone doesn't trust my ability to do something feels like it may as well be fatal sometimes. The good part that comes from this sense of urgency is that I have become good at a lot of things and been a "go-to" person in many parts of my life.

In a way, it feels like now is the real start of my derby career. Most of the newbie-ness is gone and I can no longer use the excuse that I am a rookie. For me it's not I will I be better next season, but how much better will I be? I guess time will tell. Until then, full speed ahead!


Monday, May 14, 2012

Awesome Alla Time

Have I told you lately that I love my team? No seriously... I really, really love these women. Sure, sometimes I might want to choke one or two of them and they probably want to choke me too, but that's the way it works with family, right?

Saturday afternoon we showed up at the DC Armory after weeks of grueling practices, strategy sessions, and team cohesion get-togethers, ready to play. We never expected it to be easy; we knew we were going to have to work hard jam after jam and play our game - always proactive and never reactive.

It all paid off when at the end of the bout the scoreboard read Scare Force One 229 to Cherry Blossom Bombshells 102.

Now that Championships are over and life is calming a little, I'll be back to my regular posting schedule. For now though I will be basking in victory and cuddling our trophy.

Why we gotta be so awesome alla time? ~ Helena Handbag, Scare Force One, DC Rollergirls


Scare Force One, Season 6 DCRG Champions

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Word fuel

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” 
~ Winston Churchill

Friday, May 4, 2012

Unexpected side effects of losing weight

You may remember when I wrote my Unexpected side effects of roller derby post. Well I've recently encountered a few side effects of losing weight and thought I'd share. Some of these may just be me and my body, but I'm sure some are relate-able.
  1. Fat comes off wherever the hell it pleases. I once heard that you lose weight first from the places you gained it last. This may be true; it was a long time ago when I packed on this fat so I have no idea what order it slapped itself on. What I do know is that my ass is disappearing at an alarming rate and I became fully aware of this when I slammed down directly on it and there was not nearly enough badonkadonk to cushion the fall.
  2. Food is less tasty. I vaguely remember reading some study about fat people wherein they determined that as you gain weight, your brain starts thinking food tastes better and better. (Thanks for looking out, brain!) This could be why thin people stay thin. Food is still good to me, but not like it was. Seriously people, I used to love food. LOVE IT. Lately though, things just don't taste as good and fruit seems to be the only thing I really enjoy.
  3. You might get whiplash from double takes. This one is awesome. For real. I can't tell you how many times I have walked past my reflection and whipped my head around to make sure I didn't mistake what I was seeing. "My stomach really does look like that and I'm not even sucking it in!"
  4. Your brain has a hard time catching up to your body. You know you've lost weight. The scale says so, your significant other says so, but chances are you still have "fat brain". Fat brain is what makes you think you still wear the same size when you shop or tells you that you that you still need to wear that tent dress in the closet instead of buying something new and cute that actually fits.
  5. You realize you had fat in places you didn't think were that fat. I've heard a lot of comments about losing weight in my face. I honestly never thought my face was fat, but looking back at pictures I do look bloated. Also, my wrists and hands are bonier and vein-ier. Yeah, thanks body. I was super concerned about my fat hands. I'd like to go ahead and hang onto these saddle bags though.
  6. My life used to be about eating and now it's about eating. This goes back more tasty vs. less tasty foods and being fat. I loved eating because things tasted so good, how could I not finish it? Now my relationship with food has more to do with fueling my body for activity and making sure I'm consuming optimal amounts for weight loss and roller derby. 
  7. Exercise guilt. I used to have food guilt (ex: why did I eat that?!), but now I have exercise guilt. I could go to the gym or practice 12 days in a row and still feel guilty when I miss number 13. I know my body needs the rest sometimes, but I might gain all that weight back if I miss today!!!
As always, I'd love if to hear if you have other ones to add. I hope to do a part 2 to this when I finally get near my goal!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

"Failure pile in a sadness bowl"

One of my favorite comedians is Patton Oswalt and he does a bit where he talks about an entree from KFC and dubs it a "failure pile in a sadness bowl". I feel like that is a pretty good summary of my practices for most of this week, culminating in a giant heap of suck last night.

Now before anyone starts feeling like I need a pep talk, I promise you I don't. Having a crap practice (or several) just makes me want to try harder. I don't know if everyone feels like this, in fact I hope no one does, but I feel like I am constantly running from failure. The thought of not succeeding at something important to me gives me intense anxiety, sometimes to the point of waking up in a panic.

I don't know when this anxiety and self pressure started, but I've felt it for a long time. Growing up I was the youngest of 5 kids and the only child from my mom and dad's marriage. All of my brothers and sisters are much older than me so for the most part I grew up an only child.

I was a smart kid and I suppose that set high expectations as I grew up. No one in my family really knew how to support me in academics or athletics because none of them had done it themselves, but they wanted me to succeed at everything. My whole life has been figuring things out on my own and it's been tough at times, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Having never had anything come easy, I never expect anything to come easy. Unfortunately that also leads to the mentality that when it does, I am always waiting for someone to pull the rug out, hence the constant running from failure.

So what does all this have to do with derby? Well, sometimes a "failure pile in a sadness bowl" is good for us. Too often I think we tend to rest on their laurels and never really try to get any better. Sometimes we need these moments of failure to remind us that if we love what we're doing, we have to get up and do it better. In roller derby you are literally picking yourself up off the floor time and time again, mentally you just have to keep doing the same thing. Don't dwell on the fall, thrive on the recovery.