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| 28 pounds and 6 months Photo (left) courtesy of James Calder Photography |
In short, I want to be awesome. You know, like every other derby girl out there.
To date I've lost 28 pounds and have been bobbing at this same weight for a couple weeks now. I feel like I have come so far and yet also like I've hardly made any progress. I wonder if it's common to feel simultaneously proud of yourself and frustrated that you haven't gotten farther?
The fact that I feel like I can never be content has been both a blessing and a curse in my life. In relationships I've been accused of never being happy, but I swear that's not the case. It's more like a need, a necessity, to do better, have better, be better. The fear that someone is nipping at my heels, ready to eclipse my success or that someone doesn't trust my ability to do something feels like it may as well be fatal sometimes. The good part that comes from this sense of urgency is that I have become good at a lot of things and been a "go-to" person in many parts of my life.
In a way, it feels like now is the real start of my derby career. Most of the newbie-ness is gone and I can no longer use the excuse that I am a rookie. For me it's not I will I be better next season, but how much better will I be? I guess time will tell. Until then, full speed ahead!
You look amazing!! Congrates on you weight loss!! I know exactly what you mean by the necessity to do or be better - I always wondered how people could just be happy "As is" - I never seem to be content with that!!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. There are days where I do a double take because I can't believe I actually see a change and then days where I feel like I haven't lost a pound. Maybe when I get closer to my goal, my "fat brain" will simmer down a little!
ReplyDeletePains - Who has no "as is" setting :)