I have a confession

The truth is, I might be becoming one of "those" people. The ones with iron willpower and the drive to be god damned awesome. I don't want to speak too soon, but today I actually looked forward to going to the gym to do the next day of my running plan. I had to make myself eat and I was not tempted at all when I had to meet the boyfriend at McDonald's.

This, my friends, is progress. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I love to eat. A lot. I feel change a comin'...

P.S. AND I'm down another .8 lbs this morning!

Roadblock

Right now my mind is waging a dangerous war on itself. On one side, there is Optimistic Losing Weight Me and on the other, Fat Negative Me. Fat Negative Me is one loud-mouthed bitch and all she does is run her mouth about how I will never sustain this weight loss. It's been too easy! I'm going to gain it all back!

Sadly, Optimistic Losing Weight me isn't much of a shit-talker. Frankly, she's a pussy. She's in the corner, doe-eyed, looking scared. She tries to be confident, but you can tell that she is wondering if it's all going to be short-lived too.

I have a bad habit of starting things I don't finish or being relatively good at something in the beginning and not seeing it through because, hey I already proved I can do it if I really want to. Right now, I'm standing at at that fork again. I have every intention of finishing this journey, but damn if I'm not scared I will screw it up again.

As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous, one day at a time.

19 down...

... and 31 to go until my first goal. And looking at my 'roller derby saved my soul' booty ECDX countdown, I am down to 88 days. Let's look at the stats, shall we?

So far, I have lost 19 lbs in 31 days so that is an average of .61 lbs per day. At this rate I will only lose 54 more lbs in 88 days (don't I wish). To meet my goal, I only need to lose an average of .35 lbs/day or 2.5 lbs per week.

Okay, so I say I "only" need to lose 2.5 lbs per week, but the reality is that that is A LOT. I've been cruising right along so there could easily be a plateau in my future. I hope not!

While I am checking in, here is a recap of what has and has not worked in the last 31 days:

What has worked:

• MyFitnessPal on my iPhone - This has been a godsend! Everything is so simple to enter - I mean hello!, you can scan the barcode on foods.
• Jogging with help from Personal Running Trainer on my iPhone - Jogging, I still hate your face, but you're so good for my butt! I have never been a good runner, not even when I was thin all through elementary, middle, and high school. I'm pretty sure I have NEVER continuously jogged a mile, but I stumbled across this program on my phone that let's me listen to MY music and tells me when to walk or jog, I'll be doing it in no time. Plus, my endurance has made marked improvements so far.
• Eating at home - I love to eat. Love it. But it is so easy to rack up calories the second you leave your house. I'm not a good planner so I'm not going to sit hear preaching at you to pack your every meal everywhere, but eat at home as much as you can and it will help.
• Not drinking - I wasn't a huge drinker before, but I would have some wine a couple times a week. I realized that I would rather eat those calories than drink them.
• No sugar. See my previous post, but sugar just makes me want to eat everything. I haven't gone all Atkins or anything, I still eat bread, just no cookies, brownies, ice cream, etc.
• Eating an early dinner (no later than 7) and only having one healthy snack after then if I really need it. (Note: This works for me because I weigh myself every morning so I feel like I am giving my body a chance to reset overnight and give an accurate weight).

What has NOT worked:

• NOT tracking my food - I had one not so great week where I didn't track and I gained. I was lucky to catch myself and get back on track without damaging my bottom line (pun intended).
• 6 small meals - I'm sure everyone has heard that they should eat 6 small meals to keep their metabolism up, not get hungry, etc., and I know a lot of people who this works for, but it does not work for me. I do best on 3 squares and 1-2 snacks. On any given day I spend about 1/5 of my calories on breakfast, 1/5 on lunch, 2/5 on dinner, and 1/5 on snacks (sometimes lunch and dinner are switched). This ratio seems to work well for me.

Overall I feel really good about my progress, but today I sit at a weight that is tough for me. It seems to be the weight where my body gets comfortable and doesn't want to budge. In fact, I've been at this weight 'point' something for a few days until hitting point zero today. I've broken below it many, many, many times, but in my adult life have not stayed under for more than 6 months once when I was 25. I feel different this time though. My head is in a different place and I have my fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Double Yay!

This week at practice, I had the opportunity to skate with Francey Pants of Montreal, Team Bionic, and Team France. Yes, THAT Francey Pants. All my life I have never been the type of person who gets excited about meeting any variety of famous people, but something about meeting skaters I admire, AND getting to skate with them, makes me feel like a kid on Christmas morning.

Let me just say if you've never had a pleasure of seeing Francey Pants skate, you are missing out. It's a bit like Bonnie Thunders + Neo from the Matrix + all the cuteness of the Puppy Bowl. No joke. Not only is she incredible on skates, but she's a total sweetheart in general.

In other news...

I'm proud and excited to say that I have lost 7 pounds in the last 15 days and am on target to reach my goal. It continues to be a struggle some days, but I know it will be worth it!!