Mouthfuls of denial

"I don't understand why I can't lose weight, I don't eat that much!"


I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have said and thought this. Because obviously my body is completely different than everyone else. It just can't be that I eat too much! I'm fat from all of the healthy food I eat all of the time... not the brownies!

I have been chowing down on denial almost as much as cake, green tea ice cream, and Heath bars. Almost. I think my problem comes from the fact that at 130 muscular pounds in high school, I thought I was fat and was always trying to lose 5 more pounds so when I actually got fat, I didn't realize how fat I actually was. My weight has ruled my life every since.

My weight is on my mind all the time. I would guess that I think about it more than anything else in the world and I HATE that. I think if I were given the choice between Powerball winnings and a body built for booty shorts, I'd take the body! (...ok wait, I'm fat not crazy. I'd take the dough and hire a personal trainer.)

I've reached acceptance, now what?

Like every other big girl, this ain't my first diet rodeo. I've low-carbed, South Beached, Weight Watched, calorie counted, Fitness Challenged, starved, binged, smoked, and latted myself thinner and fatter for the last decade. All with really no net change. I'm not as fat as I've been in my adult life, but not as thin either.

One thing I have learned through all of this is that I know my body. Despite how many calories any plan or site tells me I need, when I listen to my body, I lose weight. That being said, I also need some accountability. I need to see what I'm doing "on paper" so I am tracking what I eat online.

In the week and a half that I've been listening to myself I have managed to lose 10 pounds.

Onward, ho!